Kids and Grief: Supporting Young People Through Grief

The death of a loved one is a heavy blow for anyone, but for young people, it can be especially confusing and isolating. Their developing minds struggle to grasp the permanence of death, and their emotions can be a whirlwind of sadness, anger, and fear.

As a parent, caregiver, or loved one, you play a crucial role in helping them navigate this difficult journey.

This blog post will delve deeper into how children and teenagers experience grief at different stages, equipping you with the knowledge and tools to support them effectively.

Understanding How Age Shapes Grief:

Early Childhood (Ages 3-7): Young children have a limited understanding of death. They may perceive it as temporary or a form of sleep. Use clear and honest language, avoiding euphemisms like “passed away.” Explain death in terms they can understand, like a plant wilting or a butterfly leaving its cocoon. Be prepared to answer the same questions repeatedly, as their grasp of the situation evolves. Their grief might manifest in changes in behavior like clinginess, bedwetting, or nightmares. Offer reassurance, comfort, and a consistent routine.
Middle Childhood (Ages 8-12): By this age, children understand death as permanent. However, they may still struggle with abstract concepts like “heaven” or “afterlife.” Encourage open communication and answer their questions honestly. Grief in this age group can show up in various ways – sadness, anger, withdrawal, or difficulty concentrating in school. Provide a safe space for them to express their emotions, and validate their feelings. Don’t dismiss their sadness as “dramatic” or tell them to “get over it.”
Teens (Ages 13-19): Teenagers experience grief with a complex mix of emotions. Denial, anger, guilt, and confusion are all common. They may push away support from adults, preferring to grieve in private with friends. This doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t need your help. Their grief might manifest indirectly through risky behaviors, changes in sleep patterns, or declining grades. Be patient and understanding.

Building a Bridge Through Grief:

Here are some practical tips to help young people of all ages cope with loss:

Create a Safe Space for Expression: Let them know it’s okay to feel sad, angry, confused, or scared. Let them express their emotions in healthy ways, through journaling, drawing, playing music, or talking.
Validate Their Feelings: Don’t try to minimize their loss or tell them how they “should” feel. Phrases like “It’s okay to be sad” or “Grandma was very special, and it’s normal to miss her” show empathy and understanding.
Memories Matter: Encourage them to share stories and memories of the person they lost. Help them create a memory box with photos, keepsakes, or letters. Visiting a special place or participating in an activity they shared with the deceased can also be comforting.
Age-Appropriate Rituals: Include them in funerals or memorial services in a way that feels comfortable for them. This could involve helping write a eulogy, choosing music, or lighting a candle.
Be Patient and Consistent: Grief is a journey, not a destination. It takes time to process loss, and there will be good days and bad days. Be patient with their emotional rollercoaster and maintain a consistent routine that provides a sense of security.
Seek Additional Support: Consider grief counseling or support groups specifically designed for young people. These resources can provide a safe space for them to connect with others who understand their experience.

Remember, you are not alone in supporting a grieving young person. There are many online resources and support groups available to help you navigate this difficult time. Most importantly, let your love and support be a guiding light for them as they heal and learn to live with their loss.